Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we’re covering open air shitting, the Amish, Kevin Durant, and more.

Before this week, I had never eaten rhubarb. This is because I am of the firm belief that any dessert without chocolate is not worth my time and—even though rhubarb is a vegetable and pie is almost universally not worth the effort—people insist on serving rhubarb in pie form. Maybe it’s got something to do with the…

I have never been a violent person, at least not instinctively. Whenever I was teased as a child—I struggled to read for much of elementary school and wore a lot of white jeans, so I was teased a lot—I’d opt for silence or a quick joke, usually at my own expense. I’d level my aggressor with my apparent disinterest or…

For the discerning American beer drinker, these are truly glorious times. Odds are, your town features a craft brewery or two, and even if it doesn’t, big “craft” brewers like Sierra Nevada or New Belgium have never been more accessible in stores and bars. If you want, you could go the rest of your inebriated life…

When AccuWeather announced they would begin issuing 90-day forecasts in April, science writers, and the meteorologists they interviewed, were notably dubious. Sort of like how they were when AccuWeather debuted a 45-day forecast in 2013.

As you know, men be writin’.

Ask An Adequate Woman is a space where readers can ask the questions they can’t—or maybe just won’t!—pose to their friends about relationships, fashion, family dramas, dating, existential crises, weird sex stuff, and everything else. The Women of Deadspin (and some of our clever friends) are here to happily lend an…

The splashiest piece of sportswriting in my lifetime might be David Foster Wallace’s 2006 profile of Roger Federer, printed in the New York Times’s short-lived Play magazine. A wrinkled copy of it lived under my old Xbox console for years, so that I knew exactly where to revisit it. At the time, the essay felt…

One day you’ll decide to start giving a shit about your body, but that does not mean the world-at-large will help you along the way. That’s something I had to learn on my own—the friends and websites I consulted before changing my eating habits never mentioned how lonely it can be to try to lose weight and exercise. …

Earlier this month, activist DeRay McKesson explained on Twitter that his account had been hacked not because he lacked two-factor authentication—the standard for those who don’t want to get hacked—but because the hackers found a workaround for the text-based system he relied on for security.

For most of my adult life, I have managed to play basketball two or three times a week. I do this because it is significantly more fun than, say, spending a joyless half-hour on a worn treadmill in some windowless YMCA basement, and at 29, my knee still has yet to explode like poor Shaun Livingston’s. But like every…

Several times a year—five if I can—I get stuck by a needle. A friendly hand hunts the crooks of both my elbows for a vein fat enough to poke, swabs it down with iodine, and dabs the spot with a marker as if it were a treasure map. Depending on whether or not I’m in the mood for sterile and unthreatening gore, I either…

Summer—it’s here! It’s really, really here! Officially! The calendar says so!

This piece in Toronto Life, written by a (purported) high-spending, globe-trotting 31-year-old pharmacist who lives with his parents, is so plainly framed to bait haters that it seems a shame to even go at it. There’s actually something bubbling under the surface of this piece, which I’ll get to, but it’s hard to…

Classes are the solution to most problems, existential and logistical. “But anything I need to learn, I can learn on the internet,” the less enlightened might argue. Yeah, yeah, it’s true, sort of—the internet is indeed a treasure trove of YouTube knowledge, MOOCs are the future, and soon we will all live in pods. The…

Before anyone in Cleveland even had a chance to rip their shirt off in celebration, former ESPN take artiste and sad-man-alone-in-an-airport-hotel Skip Bayless leaped at the chance to diminish LeBron James’ third NBA title and protect Michael Jordan’s standing as the greatest basketball player of all time. It was a…

Going out to dinner with friends can easily become a big event—after agreeing to share a meal together, you’ll have to choose the cuisine, the restaurant, and whether to invite that one person everyone has been avoiding for a few weeks. The decisions don’t end there. Once you settle in at the restaurant, and everyone…

A child is born with no state of mind. Innocent to the ways of the world. What sort of world will you be presenting to your child when they open their eyes for the first time? Will it be a world of almond milk? It does appear so. Quite.

It’s late afternoon, the workday is over halfway done, and you feel a familiar rumble. The salad you’d had for lunch wasn’t very satisfying, was it? So you gather your wallet or spare desk change, go down the hall, and amble right up to that backlit hurdle that separates the fit from the fit-ish: the vending machine.

Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we’re covering LeBron, LeBron, LeBron, and more.