This weekend, I walked around Central Park—a hub for Pokémon Go enthusiasts, apparently—for about three hours trying to catch some good pocket monsters. All I got was a flock of Pidgeys. I hate them.
Pokémon Go purportedly offers users the chance to get out in the real world and become Pokémon masters. Theoretically, if you put the time in, catch enough Pokémon, and evolve them, you can claim gyms for your team and accrue the best collection around. The problem is, most Pokémon that I’ve encountered are bad and dumb.
At the inception of this blog, I was the proud owner of 17 Pidgeys, 11 Rattatas, and a small herd of Zubats and Weedles. I managed to evolve one of the Weedles, but as you know, that only makes it turn into Kakuna, who is a boring yellow bug with eyes. My coolest monster is Pinsir, but everyone has Pinsir. (I was thrilled to catch one, until I saw five more before I left the park.) When I tried to take over a gym, Pinsir lost to a goddamn Nidoran♂, another trash Pokémon. Pinsir is bad.
Let me be clear, here are some bad Pokemon:
Here’s a good one:
Was I destined to end up one of those anonymous junior trainers who just sit around Viridian Forest, waiting to get owned by every passerby? Were the powers that be simply using my personal information to laugh at me for failing to catch any good Pokémon?