On April 1, in the Year of Our Lord 2016, a man finally achieved adequacy. We gave him a trophy, and surprise-interviewed him about this historic achievement.

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Deadspin: Tom! I’m here with Deadspin, a sports website. This trophy is for you. You’re adequate. An adequate man. How does it feel?

Tom Ley, writer and Adequate Man: [Short, terrified pause while he ascertains what’s happening]

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Feels good. Feels great.

Deadspin: Would you say you made a good effort to achieve adequacy?

Ley: I gave it 110 percent.

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Deadspin: Did you really? Because “adequate” doesn’t indicate 110 percent effort.

Ley: I gave it 85 percent?

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Deadspin: Do you think more men, in the future, might become adequate?

Ley: Uh, no.

Deadspin: No, I don’t think so either. What defines an adequate man?

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Ley: [Medium-length pause, edged with anxiety] Good shirts?

Deadspin: Just good? Not excellent shirts?

Ley: No. Just OK shirts.

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Deadspin: Fair enough. I’m going to take this trophy back, because I actually just borrowed it.

Ley: Are you blogging this?

Congratulations, at long last, to a single man for finally becoming adequate.


Adequate photo by Anna Merlan