Would you like to become the most courteous person at the laundromat?

If you use the internet with any regularity, or, bless your soul, use it for a living, you’re familiar with the initial stages of this disease. Open browser of your choice and pop open a tab. Navigate to some good Content. Click hyperlink from there and watch as new tab opens. Hit an unfamiliar reference in that page…

Shit sucks, right now. Pretty much all of the news is so bad that it’s almost, but not, funny. You can’t even fall back on sports right now! This week I am conducting myself on the internet like a wayward pedestrian forced to traverse Murder Alley, neck stiff, the plane of my face at a perfect right angle to the…

Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we’re talking nuclear attacks, grilling failures, dirty words, and more.

It’s back-to-school time, Clean Person-style!

What do you do if your spouse, an amateur and not very skilled cook, makes a disgusting and possibly lethal “sushi casserole” and sets his or her heart on bringing it to and serving it at a large, fancy social event, where it almost certainly will meet with humiliating public rejection?

Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we’re talking nakedness, hot dogs, Pat Tillman, Queens of the Stone Age, and more. 

I love that you love your cats, but your cats hate you.

The air is crisp and cool, the sky streaked with low, scuttling, ragged clouds, heading out of town in a hurry, like seasonal tourists. Football is back. School is back. Summer is ending. Yes, it’s time to convince myself that I can tolerate terrible emo butthole takes like this one without throttling someone.

The air is crisp and cool, the sky streaked with low, scuttling, ragged clouds, heading out of town in a hurry, like seasonal tourists. In quiet moments you can hear a crow. Somewhere in your immediate surroundings, should you care to look for it, is a spiderweb. They’re everywhere right now, spiders that is to say,…

Your vile protein shakers fill my clean heart with dread.

Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we’re talking baseball, football, nut butters, and more.

Apparently many of the youths are very excited about a “solar eclipse” today. The moon’s transit will carry it directly between the sun and the earth in the skies over the United States, where, along a certain corridor of geography, it will obscure the sun’s rays completely for a little while. I suppose the…

Team Jalopnik rolls into the studio to talk about cleaning your cars.

Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we’re talking Trump rumors, movie props, backpacks, and more. 

This is your post-tattoo cleanup guide.

I like doing dishes but hate the vile blobs used to do them. Sponges are deeply disgusting, and though you may try to convince me otherwise I have always felt this way, based on little more than my senses (i.e. after a few days of use, they tend to smell, look, and in all likelihood, taste bad).

Many people are saying, “Huh. Cumin. I do not think I have any particularly strong good or bad feelings about that spice.” They can go to hell! Cumin is not a spice for mild opinions. It is a fuckin’ great spice.

Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we’re talking fried food, drying your feet, dad gags, and more. 

Here’s a dumb thing that grill chefs do: they flip the burgers on the grill, and then, while the burgers finish cooking, the chef lays slices of cheese on the top of the burgers, where presumably the heat of the grill will aid in the melting of the cheese.