Yesterday, I was having a nice coffee outside with a friend who was telling me about an upcoming trip. He and his girlfriend were going to a wedding in Austin. I, a famous lover a good wedding, wanted details. There’s a moment when you ask people who wear dresses about weddings that never comes up with people who wear…

Today, we’re talking about drugs, buffets, shitty NFL stock music, and more.

Today, we’re talking about napkins, doctors, baseball, stadium food storage methods, and more.

Today, we’re talking about getting eaten by a whale, state names as first names, typos, Hitler, butter knives, and more.

Today, we’re talking about un-Googleable band names, your groin, mustard-drenched testicles, and more.

Today, we’re talking about pickles, basketball hoop design, BIG WEDDING, and more.

Today, we’re talking about trailers, crossing state lines, Sean’s friend Bruce, drunken coaches, and more.

Today, we’re talking about why baseball has no left-handed shortstops, flossing, Worcestershire sauce, toenails for teeth, and more.

Today, we’re talking about doctors, the Mariners, capture the flag, being followed, and more.

Today, we’re talking about soccer snobs, voiceover acting, bad keys, eating wrappers, and more.

Today, we’re talking about ex-girlfriends, pens, secession, King Kong at the plate, and more.

This past weekend, I stopped by the little beer-and-wine store near my local supermarket and picked up a 12-can variety pack of White Claw–brand fruit-flavored “hard seltzer.” At the checkout counter, I had two options: A hip-looking 20-something dude with a beard and some kind of bunlike thing going on with his hair,…

Today, we’re talking about toilet flushing, fame, farts, Trump push-ups and more. 

Today, we’re talking about remakes, pelicans, the drug store, assholes by position, and more.

Today, we’re talking about coal, laundry, price points, cups, and more.

Today, we’re talking about pizza, paper, tolerating sporting events while sober, cream cheese, and more.

Today, we’re talking about moats, supercross, onions, Texas, and more.

Today, we’re talking about subtitles, dad shoes, sexy words, pot luck, stray penis hairs, and more.

Just in time for July 4th, Michelin-starred chef and angry British person Gordon Ramsay made the below YouTube video to show you how to grill a hamburger. Why you would trust this man to make you a proper burger over Ron Swanson, I do not know. Why Ramsay needs a full 10 minutes to show you how he does this, I again…

Today, we’re talking about pizza, garbage, morning radio, college email addresses, and more.