Today, we’re talking about woke Axl Rose, salt, rich assholes who exercise a lot, and more.

My wife was out for a girls’ night and I was home alone with my three rowdy kids. To my enormous shame, I have yet to get my two younger kids to eat the same shit that my wife and I eat every night. I cook a regular meal, and then my boys eat chicken nuggets or cheese toast or some other garbage. Without a responsible…

Today, we’re talking about French fries, cocaine, college football, and more.

Today, we’re talking about T-shirts, gorilla suits, flowers, peeing, and more.

Today, we’re talking about pistachios, cults, Costco, crying, and more.

Today, we’re talking about pajamas, Nathan Peterman, liquor runs, and more.

Today, we’re talking about Drew Brees, water bottles, cake donuts, and more.

Today, we’re talking about Gritty, weddings, pissing in the woods, and more.

Cruelty is so often casual, and crueler for it. On Monday, the New York Times reported that Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh used his high school yearbook page to drop an inside joke, naming a female student in a way meant to imply that she had been a sexual conquest for him and his football teammates. It is the…

Today, we’re talking about peanut butter yogurt, pot pies, P.J. Fleck, and more. 

More and more Americans are getting outdoors. Since 2000, attendance rates to national parks have steadily continued an “up and to the right” growth trend. Between 2000 and 2013, year-over-year attendance bobbed between 260-280 million visitors. While that 13-year span could be considered healthy growth, what the…

Today, we’re talking about smartphones, Trump’s DMs, tweezers, and more.

Before we get into the Funbag, I just wanna remind you that the Deadcast is gonna be LIVE in Chicago on Monday night. Go here for all the relevant info and then come get sloppy with us as we yammer on stage and then watch the Bears lose in sickening fashion once more.

Were you thinking pizza lumbered down the mountainside, fully formed? That the ancients plucked gyros from the surf and ate them whole? I bring news. That’s not how it happened.

Before I get into the Funbag, I have a special announcement: The DEADCAST is coming to Chicago on Sept. 17, a week from Monday. That’s right. We’re gonna have a bigass Monday Night party and you, dear Chicagoans, are invited. You can find all the details right here. And if you plan on being at the show, by all means…

Okay. Okay. So. An ugly and kind of dumb but real thing that sometimes happens in the life of a more-or-less normal person is, you had the idea that you and your longtime pal Hubert were meeting up for Special Pal Beers together, like in old times, just the two old pals, but then you find out that your old pal also…

Joe:

Your letters:

A very long time ago (2015), our old buddy Tom Scocca posited, convincingly, that there are eight distinct seasons. This part of the year, from August through mid-September, he calls “Yellow Summer,” and ranks as the fifth-best season, which seems fine. After all, it’s muggy and buzzy and gross outside; the air is…

Your letters: