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Look, the weather is the most boring topic in the world, especially when it’s some asshole on the East Coast griping about it, but it’s hot. I can’t ride my bike, I can’t give my dog a good walk, I can barely breathe. I can, though, drink coffee. I’ve found the solution.

There are a thousand and one cold brew recipes on the internet, and they’re all fine. You’re going to follow this one: Before you go to bed, mix up one part coarse-ground coffee with four parts cold water in a pitcher or whatever, and stick it in the fridge. When you wake up, pour the mixture through a sieve into another pitcher or whatever, and then mix some of it in a glass with seltzer water in a one part coffee to an, I don’t know, two or three parts seltzer ratio. Put a handful of ice cubes in; add some sugar and milk or don’t, as you prefer; and drink it. I swear to God you will be refreshed and coffee will be the best part of your morning rather than a chore, even if you take this outside and drink it as bugs the size of dogs attack you.