Photo: Justin Sullivan/Getty Images

Whoops, now there’s body paint on the wall.

Scorpios are terrifying, so for the scariest episode of the year I brought in a pair of them: Basic Witches author Jaya Saxena and her husband, The Nib’s Matt Lubchansky, joined me to eat Assorted Mellowcremes and talk all about the messes unique to Halloween. They also commend the Cleancast listeners for being so horny.

Here’s what I covered in my 93rd episode:

  • How to get pumpkin gore off of concrete, wood, natural stone;
  • What to do when pumpkin innards stain your hands;
  • Tips for removing body paint from a wall after you’ve had costumed stand-up sex (what?);
  • Colored hairspray and temporary hair dye stain removal products and techniques for sheets and clothing;
  • How to get rid of the massacre in your bathroom after applying hair color of any sort—permanent dye, temporary color, colored hairspray, etc.;
  • How to clean up wax that spilled or splattered onto hard surfaces like countertops or floors;
  • Snake storage;
  • How to clean ash, oil and water rings off of a wooden table or altar.

Over in the bonus episode, we ate more Assorted Mellowcremes and talked about the origins of BANANA GUY, which I consider to be the best idea I’ve ever had. Literally no one else thinks BANANA GUY is a good idea, but I have FAITH that one of you will.

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