On Friday, we asked you to tell us about your worst tattoos, and boy, did you deliver. You spilled stories of mascot tattoos, band-inspired debacles, inked monuments to past relationships, and so many more reminders of regret that are now permanently stained onto your body. Here are the best of the worst.
We begin with the trifecta of bad tattoo placement. GrayHays with the butt:
This is on my ass. On the way to Spring Break (1st year of law school), I told my friends if they thought of something clever enough and paid for my drinks all week, I would get a tattoo. Runner-up: “Mo Money Mo Problems.”
Vag, via kathotdog:
My first tattoo is Mighty Mouse, flying over my bush.
And dong, of course. gingerkeeperreboot:
I was present for a friend getting “Ye Olde Pipe Cleaner” tattooed above his dong. His goal is to have his future wife have “Ye Olde Pipe” as a tramp stamp.
It’s hard to be mad at this badass tat from Jgroover:
I got one of a bear fighting a shark.
duffers has made some positive choices, as you can see at the very top of this post:
I have one of a spaceman fighting a T-rex, one of a farting hotdog, and one of “chumbawamba” across my toes. Yes. That is an 11-letter word on 10 toes. Happy to provide background if needed...
Friends don’t let friends tattoo one another. YourTeamSucks:
My friend is not proud of this one...obviously. He let a drunk friend who HAD NEVER TATTOOED BEFORE draw this on him. Sadly I don’t think the Shit-Creek bandits are together anymore. He entered this picture himself in a radio station bad-tattoo contest to try and get $10,000 in free laser removal, but someone else won it. They had a swastika tattoo on their foot or something like that.
Nor do friends let each other get tattoos of mascots. memticlegacy:
Yes, it is the Georgia Tech mascot, modified to look like a robot. And yes, it’s shit. I don’t know why I chose this design. I don’t have a particular affinity for or attachment to robots or robotics.
I went to the tattoo parlor across the street from campus, and when I told the artist I had $300 cash, well, I’ll be damned, that’s what this was going to cost.
It gets sadder. I was 19, and managed to fail out of school by 21, so at least it’s a happy memory.
But if your friend does get a team-centric tats, you give him shit for life. FreeRon:
My friend is a die-hard Miami sports fan and has a tattoo of a marlin riding a dolphin on his bicep/shoulder. It reads “305 til I dye.”If I can take a picture w/o him noticing, I will gladly show proof of this.
PJ Szabo has a thing for Fig Newtons:
i thought it was a bad idea immediately. but now it’s been a reminder to not take myself too seriously.
This one is baffling. Torsloke:
My college roommate became a tattoo artist. They had a tradition at the shop he apprenticed at that every artist had to have one tattoo that they’d give away for free to anyone who asked, but the catch was they were so stupid no one would actually ask for them. His was a flaming bologna sandwich riding a motorcycle. I concurred with him. That was incredibly stupid. “So you’re going to get it, right?” Hell no.
He calls me again in a week. “You going to get the tattoo?” Hell no.
Another week. “You know you want to.” Hell no.
“But if you did get it, what kind of motorcycle would it be?” That’s easy. I love The Great Escape and Lawrence of Arabia. It’d have to be a BSA. But I’m still not getting the stupid tattoo. Then my brain starts churning. If it’s a BSA, there should be a sidecar. But what should be in the sidecar? A pickle. It should absolutely be a pickle. A pickle wearing a helmet and goggles.
That’s the point it went from being a tattoo I’d never get to one I had to get. And in all honesty, it’s the perfect tattoo for me. What had kept me from getting a tattoo was, at age 30, I thought of all the things I’d thought were cool when I was 20 and thought how ridiculous I’d feel at 30 if I’d gotten any of them tattooed on me. But the beauty of this tattoo is that it will never be any more or less ridiculous than the day I got it. It’s a fucking flaming bologna sandwich riding a motorcycle with a pickle in the sidecar. It is perfectly ridiculous. It is perfect. It is mine.
Relationship tattoos are never a good idea. Nathan Parks:
my wife and i got our first tattoos on August 1st, “Always & Forever” with our anniversary date of 8 years .. .getting a divorce 2 months later
When I was 18, I really wanted a tattoo but didn’t know what to get. I decide on the Led Zeppelin tribal symbols, since I was big into them at the time, and I thought they looked badass. The tattoo isn’t bad—it’s the location that’s the problem. You see, the phrase ‘tramp stamp’ wasn’t common back in the day, and I thought the lower back was an ideal location so that I wouldn’t be seeing it daily and get sick of it. Fast forward to the present, and I can’t go to the beach without getting razzed about my “Plant Stamp.” Furthermore, I was at a concert recently and my wife spotted another woman with the same tramp stamp. FML.
Tattoos that you get as a result of a bet are also a bad choice. CheddarMartin:
This is not on my toe, but I drew it for my coworker who lost a drunken bet to me. Best or worst? You can decide. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Dick.
Maybe just don’t get tattoos?