Frequently in this space, we will consult a different entry in the 1987 book The Modern Man’s Guide to Life to see how the advice therein has aged. On Wednesday, we discussed how to orient yourself in the wilderness; today, we address how to style your hair.

“BALLSACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” you screamed into the mirror this morning, gripping the sides of the sink, staring down your reflection as you grappled with the darkness deep inside you and wondered what the hell to do about your hair. Thank Christ for The Modern Man’s Guide to Life.

How the shit is a man of the world supposed to part his hair, anyway?

Traditionalists may favor the left for locating the standard part, but a man looks his best if he parts his hair along the same side that features his better profile. The part should begin at a point directly above the arch of the eyebrow, extend back to the crown, then stop and go no further.

Maybe this works if you work on Wall Street. But how can you tell which side is your good side? Additionally, I just polled the three male Deadspin staffers currently in the room with me, and none of them claim to have a “good side,” and none of them part their hair. They all, however, are wearing T-shirts at work, which provides some necessary context here.

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In 1987, all men looked like Ronald Reagan, the only food served at parties was shrimp cocktail, women were only allowed to wear pants if it was a pantsuit, everyone did a ton of cocaine, and there was only one acceptable hairstyle for men. In 2015, there are plenty of ways for men to wear their hair: flat top, man bun, undercut, Hitler Youth, fade, etc. In the ’80s, men were not allowed these kids of vehicles to express themselves. But times have changed. So unclench. Relax and wear your hair in a way that makes you feel right, guy.

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