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‘Tis the season to get messy.

Deadspin’s own Dom Cosentino joined me for the CLEANCAST CHRISTMAS SPECTACULAR! We wore animal-print Santa hats, because we’re Italian and agree that animal prints are the prints of our people. We also agreed that eggnog is good, and we know that’s true because Marchman thinks eggnog is bad. (I did end up scoring an invite to Dom’s for what we’re dubbing NOGFEST ‘17. The good news is that if one of us barfs up eggnog, we both know how to clean the mess.)

Here’s what I covered in my 99th episode:

  • How to clean up an eggnog spill on the carpet or on bedding and other launderable textiles;
  • The weird rule about cleaning dairy and starch;
  • Wrapping paper management tips;
  • How to get pine sap off of a car seat;
  • How to get pine sap off a cat;
  • About a thousand things that will take pine sap off of various surfaces and how to figure out what to use when;
  • I LOVE WD-40!
  • Pine needle cleanup tips;
  • How to clean an artificial tree;
  • And what to do when your artificial tree is infested with mouse droppings.

Over in the bonus episode, Dom asked what I was doing at Satin Dolls last Sunday afternoon, so I told him. Yeah, I went to Satin Dolls, the Lodi, N.J. gentlemen’s club better known as the Bada Bing from The Sopranos. (The state shut it down a week later.) I got my first lap dance! Wanna know if I liked it? Of course you do! Subscribe on Patreon to find out.

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Reminder: I’m doing a live show in New York on Jan. 11 and I want you all to come. You can buy tickets here; I promise it will be more fun than a live show about cleaning has any right to be. There will be booze. Need to buy a friend a last-minute holiday gift? Give the gift of clean.

You can subscribe to Ask a Clean Person: The Podcast in Acast, Apple Podcasts, PlayerFM, Stitcher and all the other places you’d expect to find podcasts. For bonus episodes and all sorts of other cool rewards, head over to Patreon to help underwrite the show. Got Qs for the pod? Email Jolie with the subject line CLEANCAST.