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Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

Here's What Happened Last Time Chris Rock Hosted The Oscars

Illustration for article titled Heres What Happened Last Time Chris Rock Hosted The Oscars

Chris Rock will host the 2016 Oscars, which gives us hope for a brighter, less boring award-show future. The last time he was on duty was 2005, and he did a pretty bang-up job. He was also much meaner than you probably remember.

So let’s revisit his monologue, for which he had plenty of material—2005 was a wild time. Bush was in office (again), America was at war in Iraq and Afghanistan, and Mel Gibson, who had just made The Passion of the Christ, had not yet been fully revealed as an anti-Semite. Rock handled these salient topics of the day—and a few others, much to Cuba Gooding Jr.’s chagrin—as only he could:

You ever see a movie so bad that you question the actor’s finances? Like, I saw this movie Boat Trip the other day, and I immediately sent Cuba Gooding a check for 80 dollars.

Fahrenheit 9/11 was beautiful. Michael Moore did not get nominated for an Oscar. Right now Michael Moore’s going, “I shoulda just made Super Size Me. I’ve done the research!”

Bush did some things you never get away with at your job ... Imagine you worked at the Gap. You’re $70 trillion behind on your register, and then you start a war with Banana Republic, ’cause you say they got toxic tank tops over there. You have the war. People are dying; a thousand Gap employees are dead. That’s right, bleeding all over the khakis. You finally take over Banana Republic and find out they never made tank tops in the first place.

I saw Passion of the Christ. Not that funny!

Chris Rock was pretty raw! One can only imagine how he might handle Steve Jobs and Leonard DiCaprio sleeping in animal carcasses and another Bush ascending to the presidency. (That last one’s not too likely, but you never know.) He’s a good choice, and at the very least, it sure beats another year of Neil Patrick Harris.


Watch the whole monologue below, and check out our early Oscar-nominee predictions here.

Image via Getty

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