Thanks to Brendan Karet and Dave Weigel, the Deadspin staff has spent the last half hour or so watching this video of a husky man in business casual wailing away on some meat, and then following the Youtube rabbit hole down to, uh, more videos of What If Game Of Thrones But Middle Management?

It’s like looking into my own future, honestly. Hurling a halberd at a pig carcass? That’s going to be me on my lunch breaks in 15 years.

Whacking apples out of midair with my button-down shirt tucked into my slacks? Me.

Shopping at XXL Bean, then wincing and jiggling when I make contact? Me.

Going samurai on a melon while dressed as an umpire? Oh yeah, me.

Throwing a stick at a bullseye and not hitting it and then posting the footage anyway for some reason? Me me me.

Running through a wooden post while rocking the latest fashions from Tactical Dad Menswear? Me.

Showing that post who’s boss? Hello, it’s me you’re looking for.

Hitting a piece of wood with a stick? Only on casual Fridays:

I much prefer Sword Guys to Gun Guys, and not just just because I can really identify with them. When I was a kid I had a wooden sword from a ren faire and it was my favorite toy for probably a year. But cutting a promo into the camera while the poor fish I speared out of the river with my katana flops its last flops in the background? That is rude, and not me.

The katana fisherman is named Buck Medley, as if you didn’t already know that in your heart.