So you’ve found the love of your life. The two of you somehow tolerate one another enough that you’ve decided to share a home. Now you’ve got a problem: How do you convince them to let you get away with all those eight-hour binges on The Witcher 3?
First, get a job that requires you to play video games. There are several ways to do this. You can become a video game journalist (not recommended), you can try to enter the video game industry (though being a game tester isn’t as fun as you’d think), or you can join the world of professional esports, which is sort of like whatever Deadspin does but with fewer dong pics. You can also try making a career out of gaming videos on YouTube and Twitch, but that’s sort of like trying to become a professional athlete—if you’re not already en route by the time you turn 18, you’re fucked.
As you prepare for the challenges of co-habitation, explain to your significant other that you need to play video games because it’s your job. Every healthy relationship involves compromises. This is not one of them. Playing video games is how you make your living, and therefore, you get to use the television whenever you need it, even if your partner wants to marathon Pretty Little Liars. And no, sorry, you can’t go to the museum on Saturday—you have to play video games. For work. Because it’s your job.
That’s not to say you have to play video games alone. Sometimes you can even play video games with your partner, which is totally rad. Kotaku, a well-known snack blog, has a pretty good list of games to play with other people, although it’s a bit out of date. One of the best games to play with a significant other is Nintendo’s Super Mario Maker, for the Wii U, which lets you build and play your own Mario courses. There are few better ways to strengthen your relationship than forcing your partner to run through an impossible maze of piranha plants and bullet bills. It’s also really rewarding to let your partner play single-player games like The Last of Us while you watch and guide them along the way.
Still, sometimes you just want to spend a whole weekend on the couch playing Skyrim, and not every significant other is going to be OK with that. So if your partner ever criticizes your binge-gaming habits, remind them that it’s your job to play video games. How can they complain? It’s your job.
Jason Schreier is the News Editor for Kotaku.